Occasionally I get going so fast in life I don’t like who I become. I get better about it with age, I’ve worked hard to slow it down, let it roll, take ‘er easy. Even so, every now and then, I get a glimpse of myself and I hate the ugly I see. Ahh, humility.

Today I got to practice (again) at the grocery store when a cute, old, 4 foot lady in front of me was buying 5,000 items and there was only one lane open. I started out strong, giving grace and patience like a white-clad church girl. (Begin the slow boil.) Inquisitive little fox she was, “Isn’t that on sale? I have a coupon for that. Oh, that’s too much, I don’t want it. Oh honey, I didn’t see the bruise on that apple…” Sigh, I know ma’am, bruises can happen so quickly. My knees started to buckle a bit, I stretched my neck back and forth, thought of all the paint I could be watching dry. At last, the checker gave her the total and I about lunged over the counter to present her with a conveniently placed bag of gold chocolate coins.

Then it happened.

Grandma Moses slowly unzipped her purse. She cautiously looked inside as if a woodland creature would spring forth. With the ease of a fine surgeon playing a champion game of Operation, she reached in her satchel… and pulled out her CHECKBOOOOOOK!!! THEN, she rummaged again for a pen because the inkflow ballpoint on the counter was too fast for her and she’d probably sprain her wrist! It was most apparent she had memorized all of The Long Goodbye, because as sure as I’m breathing she copied it verbatim on that stinkin’ promissory note.

I’m not a bad person, the thought of punching her in the throat didn’t even cross my mind. But, Lord have mercy on my foul soul, because I had many bad words in my head, they were crawling into my mouth and dripping off my tongue. For shame! I felt so ugly inside. I see the error of my ways and I submit humbly, God Bless you grandma…enjoy your sixty. five. thousand. Cup O’Noodles!!!